Monday, December 21, 2015 / 7 Comments

What Ever Happened to Manners?


By now many of you have already attended a Christmas party or some type of holiday gathering and either you had a great time or you shook your head and thought I should have drank more wine before I came and wondered why on earth do you put yourself through it every year?

This weekend the hubs went with me to a little holiday shin dig at one of his extended family members house. We were told it was a Christmas party for his side of the family. 

So we get there with the little boys in tow, 6 and 8, and the first problem was there weren't any relatives there. Now the hostess was diagnosed with strep throat the day before and cancelled and then decided to go ahead and have the party anyway, her hubby was in his bedroom, some girlfriend of her brother was there, her sons roommates, a friend of the grandmother and the list goes on and on and all we could think was we don't know any of these people and why on earth did they invite us to a family party when there aren't any family members here. Who does that?

The house was the size of a matchbox and from the moment we walked in the door we felt uncomfortable.We said a general hello to everyone there and went to sit down. The few people we knew were in the kitchen dishing up the food. Where I come from the older people always go first and by that I mean senior citizens and the little kids so you can get them squared away and then sit down to relax? We all pray before hand too. When did the 20 and 30 something crowd lose their manners? I'm in my 30's and I'm not used to this.

Oh it gets better we sat down and I heard the smart mouth son of the hostess start making fun of us. I just ignored it. This is the same boy who called his mom a few choice cuss words and unfriended her on Facebook a few weeks prior and now he's here with his smart mouth friends, lovely.

Then I did the unthinkable....I got my kiddos and hubby a plate and when my hubby wanted a refill there wasn't room for him to get up so I asked him what he wanted and then I did it.....I coughed into my fist. 

The hostesses spoiled 18 year old brat of a daughter, who I've yet to ever see be polite anywhere, made a huge scene and said, "Valerie...oh my gosh can you like wash your hands...you coughed....all with her hands flying around with disgust." So your mom has strep we are all piled in a house the size of a shoe box and your asking me to wash my hands because I coughed into my fist. I was done. A few minutes later... I told my hubby and rounded up the kids and left. 

When did being insulted, told what to do by a child, and having too many people at a family party, who aren't even family members become the norm?

Oh it gets better....we got to Wal-Mart to pick up some snacks on the way back to the farm and we get 50 phone calls, text messages and Facebook messages all within 30 minutes of leaving. Finally I told my hubby that he needs to let them know we are OK and be honest and tell them we felt uncomfortable and that's why we left. 

Big Mistake....I mean HUGE!!!

The hostess said, " please talk to me about it I will fix it. They won't get away with acting that way at my house."

OK fine ....we told her what happened....so apparently she threw them all out with the leftovers of course and said," I made them all leave."

What was I supposed to say to that?

Then the text messages calling me all kinds of names started coming from all of the different people she kicked out. I don't even know how these people got my number. I got my last nasty Facebook message this morning.

They even went and got my hubby's 80 year old aunt out of bed, apparently she was sick, and got her all riled up and she said, " she wants to have a talk with us" and shook her finger. 

Ewwww. Some women I've met once ever wants to have a talk with me because I told her granddaughter that her great-grand daughter was rude...OK. whatever.  It's more than her great-grand daughter that was rude it was her great grandson and the whole dang bunch.

If I dared say anything negative about another family member or a friend of my parents growing up I would have been in big trouble. Wouldn't you have been to?

What is wrong with people who are raising their children to call them vulgar names and verbally harass their extended relatives all because they left a party because they felt uncomfortable.

Since Saturday evening...I've gotten so many messages I've wanted to change my number. 

I've even gotten yelled at by the hostess for leaving. 

Now would you raise your children to yell at someone for leaving a party where they had zero personal space, are being made fun of by people they don't know, and then try to make them feel bad?

What on earth is wrong with people today?  When people come to my parties I do everything in my power to make them comfortable. I go around and introduce them to other people and I expect my family members to be on their best behavior.

This women compared the behavior of my 6 year old to her 18 year old daughter. We run a it takes a village to raise a child household and if any kid in my care is misbehaving I expect an adult who is around to take care of it and if they aren't comfortable to come and get me and I will.

She also bashes everyone behind their back and then starts a fuss. 

I'm getting too old for this garbage.

All I can think of is that if anyone left my party I would call to make sure everything is OK and if anyone that I had any control over misbehaved they would be writing an apology letter and be grounded. Not this woman....she gathers up a posse of people and launches an attack.

Her daughter is a senior in high-school and is given everything she wants. Car, clothes, electronics and she is allowed to run her mouth about anything and everyone.

Her mother texted me and actually said, I don't understand why people think it's OK for an 80 year old to pop off and they don't like it when a teenager does it."

Well lady I have news for you....nobody wants to hear a foul-mouthed teenager pop off and disrespect older people. An 80 year old has the right to speak their mind. It's called respect. They've earned it.

This is a woman who also photographs her children, who sleep in until noon and do nothing around the house, and she posts it on Facebook calling them.."future welfare recipients of America. 

I have never been so disgusted and appalled in my life. The very worst part is this is just one of 3 scenarios lately that I have witnessed from 3 separate groups of people. 

Let me tell you....I'm not holding out much hope for the next generation. 

Why don't parents realize when you tell your kids they are perfect all of the time and give them everything they want and when you let them be foul mouthed towards adults you aren't doing them any favor?

Apparently this girl is being sworn in to the National Guard today. More power to her. Maybe they can straighten her out because her parents, grandparents and uncle did nothing for her.

Let me ask you...are you raising your kids and grand kids with manners? Is this the new norm?

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  1. Valerie, I could leave an entire book of a comment about this, so sorry if it's long: I'm right with you, and it makes me want to cry sometimes. At the last "family function" I went to, I got yelled at for stopping a six-year old from riding a two wheeler at the edge of a pool. When one of my cousin's kids hit my kid, I spoke to him and I got yelled at again. Kids are running around everywhere like heathens, knocking into my wheelchair bound 90 year-old grandma, and everybody just keeps saying "they're alright, leave them alone". I stopped going. This year, they yelled at my mom for yelling at a dog that had it's nose in the turkey on the buffet table.

    My brother lets his kid stay up till 3 am playing video games, and they can't figure out why she gets all F's in school, but at least finally got passed out of the fifth grade at the age of 14. Sometimes it seems like it's not just manners... Parenting in general is disappearing.

    What's worse, I see the lack of manners in my own kids, too. They live in a split-family situation, and Daddy thinks it's cool to be as rude as possible. I used to have sweet babies that said "please" and "thank you". Now they think all cops are bad, their teachers are dumb, and the president is an idiot. They don't say "Merry Christmas", they say "where's our stuff?" Some of the things that come out of their mouths are appalling, and they "don't get what the big deal is", when I don't think a pre-teen should be talking about strippers at dinner - or at all.

    My hubby and I were just talking about how bad the world has become... We were shopping, and a young boy bumped into us while turning the corner. He stopped and said "I'm sorry, excuse me. Are you alright?" We both wanted to follow him, find his parents, and compliment them for doing such a good job. Once upon a time, wasn't that how everybody behaved, without being complimented? Why should we be surprised at this child's actions?

    And then there's my kid's friend that came to my house and told me that I was stupid and she doesn't have to listen to me... Then proceeded to go through my kitchen and eat whatever she wanted. When I tried to take away a bag of chips, she purposefully coughed in it. I've never wanted to physically harm a child until that day. Her mother doesn't understand why she's not welcome back.

    It is hard - SO hard to raise a child with manners when there are so many negative influences around. Sometimes I think the best we can do is to keep trying, and hope it sinks in someday.

    1. Jenny thank you for sharing this with me. I feel like you do. Parenting is disappearing and I'm doing my part to stop it.

  2. I do not have children, but was a salon owner for 30 years. Let me tell you parenting is a thing of the past and no one understands.. PARENTInG if for parents. Geeez. I love this story and wish everyone with children would take inventory of WHAT they are ACTUALLY doing to their children.
    When dogs act up, they get rid of the dog. Puzzles me how they keep the kids. I am also a dog trainer. Dogs have to be taught just like kids. Why are we not teaching/training the kids anymore.
    I love this blog.

    I have a suggestion for you . Get rid of facebook and use the block commands on your other devices. It will keep you sain. I did it with ALL of my family , including my mother, and I am at peace. I will not be trashed by my braty , disresepctful neice and nephews again.
    Peace be with you soon.
    ...............keep the dog next time.

    1. Oh my goodness we just laughed when we read your comment because it is so true. I love my dogs. I spent the morning blocking them all.

  3. The National Guard will straighten her out in no time - trust me - They will jerk a knot in her head that will leave a mark for years! My grandson is 3 and when he doesn't want something to eat, he says, "No Thank you" generally followed by "Can't like it" but he is polite. People are always bowled over by his "politeness". Really? He hasn't mastered Yes ma'am and No sir yet so I'm wavering on that! But you are talking about adults - if they are 18. sounds like mom did her children no favors in their raising. They will either end up on SSI or TANF or drift from job and job because they have "authority" issues..........The good news is that next year you don't have to even consider an invitation! you know, we have my mom and our adult children over on Christmas eve, see our grandson and his parents open presents on Christmas morning and then spend the rest of the day by ourselves. We've done this for 11 years and it's the best way for us to exclude ourselves from our hillbilly or redneck family members who act much the way you describe............go to Youtube and listen to the song "Merry Christmas from the Family" by Robert Earl Keene - it's hilarious and it reminds us both of our extended families - sometimes the best thing you can do is just stay away! :)

    1. Kelly I sure hope they do straighten her out. You hit the nail on the head with her. Smart with doing Christmas Eve with the family so not as much pressure Christmas Day. Merry Christmas

  4. Wow, Valerie, what a terrible situation they put you in!! I would have walked out also - good for you. I'm often amazed at how people raise their kids - my girls were certainly not raised to be rude to anyone and thankfully they can sit at my dinner party table and have a wonderful conversation with all of my guests and I don't have to worry about what they are going to say. Don't let these people ruin your Christmas! Hugs to you, Valerie.


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